Runaway Train ..

So yeah, first post since well .. my first post .. and I'm worried if it might be my last. Every so often the weight of all the things past and present that have or are going wrong for me hit and I feel absolutely crushed. I feel like all I can do is run .. quit everything and hide .. terrified and crying. I'm fighting this feeling right now. Like maybe I should quit all my groups, give back my collar, let Eden out of our partnership and just disappear, even quit SL. A voice deep inside tells me over and over its the right thing to do for everyone even when they tell me its not. Its ultimately a feeling of not being good enough. And well.. I dunno. Thats all for now. I might add to this in a bit.

The new blog ... first entry

So why do a blog? Well .. I have alot of people tell me my focus is to narrow in SL. I have alot of people tell me I need to find more interests. However I think these people don't really know me as well as they think or the interests I really have. So I figure I will start doing a semi-regular blog. A kinda recap really of what I am up to recently, and stick it in my profile so anyone whos interested can keep up with my activities. Who knows.. maybe it will help people understand me a bit better?

"Alone in a crowded room.." Whats that mean? Its a feeling I often have. I can be sitting there surrounded by tons of people and yet somehow feel completely alone. I'm a bit of a wallflower.

Will this be updated daily? *sounds of hysterical laughter following by gasping for air...* Yeah ... no. You'll be lucky to get once a week cause honestly I'm forgetful and tend to do things when the muse strikes me.

Will this be about your RL too? No. This is intended to be a blog of my Second Life avatar. I may throw in a little real life here and there but the emphasis is my exploits in the virtual world. Part of that is because really my real life is pretty boring. Another reason is I am extremely private when it comes to my first life until I trust someone and I want this blog to be available for anyone to read.

So whats your avatars name? My second life name is Ayami Imako. I have a second avatar named Danica Forster who may be mentioned here from time to time, and a third who I keep to myself.

Are you single? Can we hook up? No. I have a partner named Eden Gloom who I am madly in love with and fanatically loyal to. I also have a owner who doesn't like others playing with her toy.

So Eden is your partner and owner then? No, I am owned by Kishta Aluveaux.

Wait what? You have a seperate owner and partner and say you are loyal .. hows that work? Simple, I love my partner... and I love my mistress... but in very different ways. They are also both aware of each other and know that there is no conflict between them. Kishta has the keys to my collar, Eden has the keys to my heart. Understand?

Okay then, so .. what all DO you do in SL? Well, I have alot of interests. I enjoy building and exploring, I love photography, and very much enjoy to model. I RP alot, right now mostly in a sim called Armistice. Its a roleplay sim loosely based on the roleplaying and miniature game called Battletech. I also play in an associated mech combat league called the MCM where I am a member of Clan Jade Falcon. I'll likely be talking alot about both in the future.

That should get the obvious questions out of the way. If you have more post comments and I will try to answer them. Hope you enjoy reading and a new post should come soon. Much love.